Hello my clutch control masters!
I thought I’d write this post while the feeling is still fresh in my mind.
So a few moments ago I stepped into the driving seat of my car, having not driven for over three months because of uni. First I’ll give you a bit of background, it took me about 9 months to learn how to drive, and in that time I cried on three occasions in front of my instructor but I passed my test first time (I think it was 5 or 6 minors) in the summer of 2015.
I dreaded every lesson, I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t want to disappoint my instructor or if it was the thought of doing something wrong and causing an accident (even though you’re pretty safe in a dual-control car).
Last summer I had an incident in the car which involved getting stuck on a really steap hill near where I live. It got to the point where the car was slowing down so much I had to put the handbrake and hazard lights on, I turned to my friend and told her it wouldn’t go any further, oh and there was a queue right behind us (did I mention it was also on a bend and there were sheep walking across the road!?!) In the end after many angry drivers beeping at me, my mate flagged down a truck driver who turned the car around for me while we stopped traffic. I couldn’t stop shaking during the whole thing and on the drive home.
So anyway back to just now, I got in the car, put it into reverse, revved it, took the handbrake off and I rolled forward towards the garage. I took a deep breath, took my foot off the brake, took off the handbrake and tried again, the same thing happened. I put the brake back on, took the keys out, got out and locked the car. I ran back into the house and just couldn’t stop shaking, so much so I struggled to put the keys in the lock. I got inside, sat on the stairs and cried.
I feel so stupid for not being able to do something that most people take for granted, when I’m at uni it’s something I forget about it but as soon as I’m home I dread it, knowing that I’ll have to do some driving to make up for not doing it for months.
I guess I have this fear because of getting stuck on that hill last summer and because I have a fear of upsetting strangers or making them angry or even worse having a crash and it being my fault.
I know how to ‘cure’ this fear (obviously just driving) but I find the whole experience emotionally draining and I’ll do anything to avoid it. Trying to get someone else to understand my fear when I haven’t even been involved in a serious collision is actually pretty hard.
So I guess if anyone else reading this has overcome a fear of driving, let me know because it’s something I really need to work on, I’ll try stick at it on my own but I’m considering having lessons again.