Confidence Is A Funny Thing

(I hate some of these pictures but I thought I’d give you a bit of a timeline, thankfully I don’t have any pictures from when I had braces, I’ve tried to guess the order but I’m probably wrong and then the most recent picture in the middle is taken from a few days ago)

Confidence is a funny thing, it’s a bit like trust, it can take years to build and can be destroyed in a single moment.

It seems like some people are just born confident and never have any issues and for others, it can feel like they’ll always be hiding in a shell.

Sometimes it’s there when you really need it and other times you’re left standing there like a bumbling idiot.

Most little kids seem to have tonnes of the stuff, some people just lose it as they’re growing up and become more self-aware. I think once you leave school, it does tend to come back.

I was one of those little kids, during primary school that confidence disappeared, maybe it was one particular incident in year 1 when I was 5 years old (I’ve always been the youngest in the year, damn you August birthday), and I’ll never forget this, it was the first time someone had called me fat. I remember exactly who said it and I remember crying straight after, the teacher made him apologise but it was already too late the damage had been done. I think since then I’ve been very aware of how I look and how other people see me.

I was bullied in year 5 and 6, unbelievably also dragged across a field at one point. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive the person that did that. In high school again I was bullied by a variety of people in the clique you’d probably call like ‘sporty nerds’ I guess? It mostly took place during business lessons at GCSE and somewhat A-level, there’d be comments made to me or laughing during presentations or whispers during one of the rare times I decided to be brave and answer a question. At A-level none of my friends did business so when it came to working in groups I’d usually work on my own as the class was pretty much split into the guys who thought they were ‘it’ and the greatest thing since sliced bread and the ‘pretty girls’. I didn’t really fit into either of those groups. I’d stand up in front of the class, trembling as I spoke, looking out on the people who laughed at me, stood there with my little notecards stuttering and stumbling over my words, wishing it would all end soon. There’s one particular person from that class who now I wouldn’t even give a second glance nevermind say hi.

Did it stop me? Hell no. Now I love the buzz I get from a presentation, I still have my little note cards but I stand confidently and if I trip over my words I don’t panic like I did in the past, instead, I carry on regardless. Uni has changed me massively, especially second year.

I’m no super confident woman, but I’m getting there! A few years ago I genuinely couldn’t walk into the supermarket with my mum and my actual response was ‘because people might see me’, ridiculous right? But that was just how it was. A few years ago I couldn’t run on a treadmill because again ‘people might see me’, now I not only run on a treadmill but I do it on my own at the gym without a friend being there, I would’ve never considered running outside but now doesn’t bother me. I literally ran outside this morning and have been doing so for the past few weeks. Who gives a f*ck if someone sees you?

There’s till some things that I need to work on but if you’re reading this and you struggle with confidence, the bottom line is, you need to stop caring what other people think! You can let it stop you from living your life to its fullest, life is way too short.

Hope you enjoyed this post!

lots-of-loveliv-x

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3 thoughts on “Confidence Is A Funny Thing

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