Hello my lovelies!
This post was inspired by one of my favourite authors, Matt Haig, I’m reading his book Notes On A Nervous Planet at the moment. I love the way he writes, some sections are short stories or his views on a topic and other sections are more like lists or rules for life. Reading his books always make me feel better about my own mental health so I definitely recommend checking out his work or following him on social media. This post was also inspired by one of my very lovely friends who told me a very sweet and funny story a few weeks ago about literally stopping to smell some roses, it made me chuckle and today when I was walking through town, it popped into my head.
So, I don’t really view myself as a particularly happy person, there are good days and usually, at least once a week there are ‘grey days’, where everything is the same as it always is but it’s like I wake up and something just feels off, like there’s a grey sheen over everything and it clouds my judgement, I become withdrawn, often cry and I just don’t get the same joy out of things that normally would make me happy. But on the otherhand, I’ve known whole months of ‘grey days’ so this, this is manageable. And I know I’m not the only one who feels like this too.
So I try to make the most of the ‘non-grey days’ or the happy/content days, whatever you want to call them. I stop to smell the roses, I smile at babies laughing, old people dancing, a blind man dressed in full metalhead gear, I catch up with old friends and smile when they sound happy to hear from me. I live for the moments of buying super glittery docs (may have made a cheeky online purchase…buzzing for them to arrive), I say ‘yassssss qweeeeen’ in my head when a dance rehearsal goes well, I tell the cashier that I hope they have a good day, I think about the good things, the people I’m thankful for and the sheer amount of love in my life…and sometimes I cry happy tears instead. Oh yes, your girl loves a good crying sesh.
In my short life on this planet so far, I’ve learnt that happiness is actually a choice, that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to achieve or that it’s something we can have at all hours of the day. But happiness is a choice, to an extent, you have power over who is in your life. You can block people on social media, you can end romantic and even family relationships if you feel that’s what is best. I’ve also learnt that you always have to put your mental health first, this comes before EVERYTHING else. I don’t know where I heard this phrase, I think it’s a film quote, but it’s very true ‘I have to do right by myself, so I can do right by someone else’. So even if you are the type to put others first, know that you can only really help them if you are in a good place yourself, plus if they know you are not well and not really doing anything about it, this is probably going to worry them. There’s no shame in someone else being your motivation to get better or to get stronger but you have to want it and you have to be willing to work for it. Sometimes on the greys days you might feel like a burden on those around you, now this could be a reason to withdraw further but you should use this emotional energy to make some baby steps, maybe just for today, stop and smell the roses.
Lots of love